I had to cancel my 30th birthday party. I have looked forward to this day since I was a kid. I mean I probably dreamed of my 30th birthday party more than I envisioned what my wedding would look like! That may sound weird to some, but it is my truth! I may be one of the few women that is excited about getting older in age. If you know me, then you know I have always been an “old soul”. Even at young age I always seemed on the inside older than my actual age in number. Turning 30 to me represents my number age matching my “spiritual or soul’ age.

With that said, canceling my party has rocked me to my core. I canceled because most of my core friends and/or family couldn’t attend. How can you have a 90’s party without the friends that mean the most and will hit the dance floor with you?!!! Some may think I am being over board or dramatic, but my truth is that this day has meant so much to me. The reality is, I will most likely reschedule a smaller scale party at a later date, but it is not the same. My inner child is definitely coming out!

I have been to the point were I  didn’t want to celebrate at all! How crazy does that sound??!! Crazy and childish, I know. This is a true moment of vulnerability.

After a call from my younger sister, she challenged me to TURN UP regardless! She is the free spirited, I will party and celebrate no matter who is with me type person! I thank her for that call! But even after her call I still was sulking.

Until this morning! I woke up and God placed these words in my heart.

“I knit you in your mother’s womb”

I immediately went to Psalm 139 and read about God’s intricate love for me. I imagined God sitting in a rocking chair for 9 months, patiently knitting every aspect of ME. Every strand of hair, my heart, mind and soul. My personality, my very DNA! WOW! 

My core was ROCKED!! Tears began to fall. It all made sense. Everything clicked.

I am worth celebrating .Not because other people are there or because of a party. I am worth celebrating because I have been intricately created by God and he said I am perfect. He says, “I am all together beautiful and there is no flaw in me” Song of Solomon 4:7.

Why did I need others to validate a day I looked forward to all my life? Don’t get me wrong there is nothing bad with wanting to celebrate with those closest to us. But when that gets in the way of us actually being able to celebrate US alone, then there is a problem.

So I am celebrating me! I am loving me! I am thankful and amazed at the last 29 years! I am beyond excited at what is to come! God knew I needed to go into 30 with this lesson on life.

I am having a private party! Enjoying and Loving ME! On July 17th you will find me and my family at the beach, listening to 80’s and 90’s throw backs! Probably eating fries and funnel cakes! My happy place!

What more do I need?

30 HERE I COME!!

Check out India Airie’s song “Private Party”. This shares my heart exactly!