It’s been a long time. I have been in seclusion. Writing words only in my personal journal, not yet ready or sure how to articulate clearly the last 7 months of my life on the blog. I took 6 months from January to July to intentionally slow down and love on myself. I disconnected from social media even. I needed this time to pause and relearn my body, mind and soul. I RESTED. Not that my life slowed down any per se, but I found true inner peace and rest.  I turned my focus inward.

By last December, I came to a screeching halt realizing I had spent the last year so focused on care taking for others, that I was suffocating on the inside. I made no room or space for myself. I was a functional co-dependent. On the outside everything looked great, but on the inside a war raged on. I was fighting to be heard. My inner self needed some attention; however I found my “worth” in helping others.  Stress, anger and anxiety were running the show. All the while, my soul cried out REST.

I believe in the depths of my heart, that had I not slowed down and nurtured my inner being, I would have died. Maybe not a physical death, but soul death. It is possible to be physically alive, but dead on the inside. So many women, including myself learned at a young age to put others before ourselves. Even using scripture and God to justify our behavior. Well, I learned this season, that God designed the love we pour out to others, to come and overflow from within. If YOU don’t have it, you can’t give it.

Many of us are so bogged down by to do lists, kids activities and responsibilities that we aren’t actually living. We are called to live an abundant life. We are not meant to be “The Walking Dead”.

If you are drowning reach up your arm and ask for help. You were not meant to suffer in silence. Sweet woman, take off the mask. It is ok to not be ok.

Rise and stand up for yourself. CHOOSE LIFE. Love on yourself! You deserve it. I promise you, everyone else will be ok while you take some time to focus on you. When you are healthy and filled with love and peace, it naturally flows out to all around you.

If you need support and don’t know where to start email me at icanchoosellc@gmail.com.

You are not alone.

In Love & Peace,

Ash